No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
