She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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