Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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