Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
