If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize