i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
