how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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