one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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