@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
