I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my poor anus
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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