Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
