i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want a musical about memes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
