You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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