can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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