people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
