I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So apparently I’m into choking now
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