i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
