No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
