It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
