I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
