That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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