is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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