i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
