i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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