Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
