no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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