If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
