The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
