when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
