dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
