Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
