Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your penis caused this!
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