You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
