Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
