who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's always time for handjobs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
