OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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