I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
