If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
