you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
