Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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