he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
