I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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