mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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