He kissed a someone with a penis
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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