YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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