I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
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The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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