Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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