I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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