Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
