did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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