I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
