He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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