Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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