I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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