I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
