Pants 0. Shit 1.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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