is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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