I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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