Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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