The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
