trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
