Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
