I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
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A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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