Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
