girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
