she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
