is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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