we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
