Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
