also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
