either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
