Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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