I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
